The Felix Helix

For the reasonable rate of 2 M&Ms (or Smarties) per hour, Felix will provide childcare services for infants. He will come to your house, appropriately dressed in nothing but a t-shirt, underpants, and a giant cheesy grin. Felix believes that when a baby cries, it's important to provide a train and not one, but two "night-nights." If all else fails, Felix is happy to use your infant's head as a train track. The train treatment has questionable efficacy. He's also available for naptime.